Shocking News

At 1pm we set off for our Christmas lunch. I had a very heavy feeling hanging over me while everyone else in the office was in high spirits. I have never been a party person and feel lost in crowds. At the lunch table I neatly positioned myself with one of my colleagues whom I knew did not use alcohol. At least I would have someone to talk to while we waited for the food. By 2.30pm still no lunch had arrived and around the table drinks were flowing freely. Everyone was in a festive mood, the music was loud and the people even louder. I felt totally out of place and just wished for this day to end so that I could escape to the comfort and security of my own home. Some people will think me dull, but each to his own. I am who I am and I will not change my nature to suit others. Just as much as my friends have the right to party and enjoy themselves, so have I the right to do what makes me feel comfortable. Eventually lunch was ready and plates of food were brought to the table. I was just about to dig in when our Manager, Colin Walker, came over to me and asked if I had my handbag with me. I said yes and he asked me to go with him.

I thought he had some or other gift for someone that he wanted to sneak in, so I grabbed my bag and followed. At the door he turned to me and said "Lydia, we have had some very bad news, you must be strong ... Noel is waiting outside for you". I looked at Colin and saw the expression on his face. Terror gripped me, my mind started racing, and I felt my heart literally beating in my throat. "What is it!!??" hysteria rising in my voice. He gently took my arm and led me through the door where Noel, my brother in law, was waiting. In these few split seconds my mind was jumping all over ... something has happened to my husband Hennie, maybe its mom or dad. "Noel ... what is it ... what has happened?" The look on Noel's face portrayed such despair and when he opened his mouth to speak I heard the most cruel, crushing and devastating words as he reached out to put his arms around me. "Lyd, it's Karen ... she's been killed in a car accident."

SHOCK is not the word to describe what I felt. DISBELIEF is not the word. There are NO words that can ever reveal or even begin to explain that feeling, it defies every humanly possible description. I suddenly went ice cold, my body started to shake, I felt faint, my head was spinning and the whole world came crashing down upon me. I felt like a statue, a dead weight, as if I was dreaming. This cannot be! It's impossible! There must be some mistake! Someone else yes, but not Karen.

This is Karen's Story!

ELOI, ELOI, LAMA SABACHTHANI? (Mark 15 v 34) –My God, my God, why has Thou forsaken me?

Friday, 26 November 1993, 1pm, Lonehill, Johannesburg. A day, a date, a time and a place destined to change my life so drastically that I still struggle to find answers to the reason why this happened. Anything ..... just to understand.

At 6am that morning my bedside alarm went off as usual. It was just like any other day, but it was to end in a nightmare and be burned into my memory forever. I dragged myself out of bed to start the normal routine of making coffee, running bath water, and then my major task of the day - to get Karen out of bed and to work on time. She just loved to lie in until the last minute and usually all my efforts and coaxing were in vain - except this specific day.

At the first call she was up. Today was special to her. She wanted to look her best as it was the first official company lunch that she would attend. This was a time of the year I hated most - Christmas lunches and parties for every conceivable occasion. But for Karen it was exciting. She had started working for Tacholog in Midrand on 4 August 1993. It was her first job after leaving Technikon - she enjoyed her work and was a favourite amongst her colleagues. This was HER day.

The mornings we shared together in front of the dressing table mirror were unique. Laughter, music, irritations when we couldn't find the mascara, chatting about this and that, more irritations when our stockings would ladder, grabbing another quick cup of coffee and then dashing out to work in the nick of time. This particular Friday morning was no different. With a quick hug and a kiss, wishing her a super day and to enjoy her Christmas lunch, I dashed off, never ever knowing it was the last time I would see her, the last time I would touch her, ... the last time ... the last time!

Work was busy as we too had our Christmas lunch scheduled for 1.30pm that same day. Everyone was rushing about trying to get work done as it was nearing month end. At 10.30 a.m. I decided to give Karen a quick call, find out how her day was going and what time she planned to be home. Their lunch was being held at the Lonehill Country Club and Karen said they would be leaving work at 12.30pm and driving there in convoy. She had contacted her friend Tessa to phone our home at 6.30 that evening to find out if she was back yet. She did not want to stay any later than 7 o'clock. Her boyfriend, Marcell, had arrived that Wednesday on a long weekend pass from the army and she wanted to be with him. Karen had told Tessa that if she was not home when she called, Tessa was to come out to the Country Club and make some excuse for her to leave. Karen knew that her colleagues would try and persuade her to stay till the end of the party, but she wanted to go home as early as possible. With their little "plan" neatly worked out, all was settled. I told her I hoped to be home by my normal time and would see her later. Whenever we said goodbye she never once failed to say "Love you lots". But today she said it in a different way. "Mommy I love you very much". "Me too", I replied and put the phone down totally unaware that this would be our last time we would share a conversation .... the very last time I would hear her voice.

(to be continued .....)

About Time!

Wow, I cannot belive it has been almost 3 months since I last popped in here! Life has been hectic to say the least, and I have hardly touched ground ... things have been good & bad! Last time I blogged I told you about the matric reunion ... what an amazing success and an experience I think everyone of us will have burned into memory forever! Old friends seeing each other again for the first time in 42 years, was amazing! No silent moments, just happy faces, huggs and handshakes, as if we had only left school a month ago! It was wonderful, and well worth the year's work and effort to bring it all together. Many friends were found ... and in all 31 of the students attended. All in all with spouses, we hit 42 in total. We were blessed with a lovely sunny day, which matched the spirits of everyone. Our head girl, flew over from Oxford in the UK to South Africa to attend ... wow! I gave each one a printed book of their life histories since the day they left school, as well as it all in power point presentations on a CD. They also each received a DVD photo story with all old photos of our school, hometown, friends and teachers.

http://www.facebook.com/album.php?aid=292195&id=581228071&l=3a5cd9fbff

About a week after the reunion, my father landed up with Shingles, absolutely the worst case .... I am still trying to nurse him back to health. Shame at 82 it is difficult to experience this and most uncomfortable. I understand that the pain is excruciating, but my dad, like he is, does not complain, yet I see it in his eyes!

My mother is doing a lot better, and getting stronger each day! She can now walk small distances without the walker, much to my dismay, as I panic every time, that she may fall. But I have to let go, she needs her independance.

This has been a really busy time for me! Stress levels have been high and at times I want to stop the world and get off! Can I??? I wish! However, life is what we make of it, so I close my eyes and carry on.

In September, my husband Danie, and my two girls, Natasha & Evonne, along with my brother in law Noel, arranged a surprise party for my sister Marion & myself for our birthdays! Oh what a great event it was ...! My two daughters arranged the venue so tastefully in red and black! I turned 60 on the 22nd of September and my sister turned 50 on the 18th. We had both hit a great milestone, and the family decided it had to be celebrated in style! Hahaha my daughters even arranged two male "strippers" for us ... however the only thing they did was rip their shirts off .. much to my surprise it was my two grandsons, but it was hillarious and we had a great great time - go check out the album on FaceBook ....... http://www.facebook.com/album.php?aid=273107&id=581228071&l=d35051eff1

Here on the farm, we need rain ..... a good downpour. The air is humid, hot and each day as the clouds gather we wait in anticipation, but it passes over and time is running out to prepare lands for the crops! Being a farmer, I have found, is most definitely not for the weak hearted .. being a farmer's wife is only for those women who can encourage their men, when the going gets tough!

Until, I get back here again .. hopefully soon, take care and God Bless!

Reunion

Last year Danie and I attended his 50th matric reunion at their school in Heidelberg. I was amazed to see how these old school friends, had over the years kept in contact with one another. I watched as everyone tried to catch up on "old times." They had all aged, some well and some not so well. I was intrigued at how good some of them still looked after all those years.

On our way back home, I was lost deep in thought. Where were all my old school friends? I had absolutely no idea! I had left school after matric in 1968, married a year later and just carried on with my life. I became a mother at 21 and at the age of 26 had three daughters. I was just too busy living my life, to think about old friends. Now after 42 years I suddenly wondered what had happened to everyone, and shared my thoughts with Danie. "Well" he said, "Why don't you see if you can find them?" Thus the whole scenario of a Matric Reunion was born.

Where does one start? My first stop was Face Book! Hmmmm there I found a few, but not many as most of us would be in our 60's and not computer literate! Then, I found some by searching through the faces of young people my children's ages, and trying to see the similarity of either mother or father in them via our Year Book! This was very time consuming as I wrote to many young people on Face Book - "Hello sorry to trouble you, but was your mother so and so or was your father so and so, and were they in Frans du Toit High School in Phalaborwa?" Most of the time the answers came back "No, good luck!" But I did hit a few jackpots.

I Googled names, wrote to companies and as the list grew, old friends gave leads and numbers and so I progressed slowly but surely. This year, on 16th October, we will be having our reunion on our farm. Everyone is excited to see each other again, and even our head girl is flying out from the UK to attend. I asked each one to send me a life history with photos of their families, and so did a presentation of each life and emailed them one by one to the group.

While doing these searches, it was shocking to hear of how many of the friends were no longer with us. So many had died, some from cancer, some in accidents, some had committed suicide, some from alcohol ... so sad. Some had died very young, and when you hear this, you realise how blessed you are!

Many of the old friends have done so well for themselves. Some have their own companies, one is an orthopaedic surgeon in Canada, some have travelled the world, quite a few have conquered cancer and are in remission, some have just had a good life .... others have not. Some are still married to their teenage loves, some have divorced, some have lost their spouses.

For those I could find ... I cannot wait to see everyone again! I am sure we have all changed in stature and character, but I am sure we will have a blast catching up on the 42 year gap!

Looking Back

At last ... or should I say "about time!" I have been trying to get back to this space since my last blog, but circumstances have stolen so much of my time, and left me feeling so guilty, but hey, here I am again. I last blogged on my mother's awful time in hospital and am happy to say that she is well and gaining her strength once more. It was hard in the beginning, and trying to find a happy medium between nursing her and arranging my own life, was at times quite a mission.

Each day I prayed for wisdom, strength and above all patience. In the three months that she has been at home, she has astounded doctors with the progress she has made. Having had severe kidney failure, the physician did not expect her to live. At times it was touch and go, but prayer changes things. With her last visit to the doctors, they said, that they had expected her kidneys to stabilise at a stage, but never ever revert to their former health. Well, I am pleased to say they have much to the doctor's surprise!

In the beginning, I had to do everything for my mother. Now, she walks around well with her walker. The only thing I still do for her is bath her, and I cook the food. Other to that she is up and about and doing her own things again. She has lost a lot of weight since all this happened, and she is thrilled about it, as she has for so long tried to shed those extra kilos!

What can I say? I come from good genes, mom is one tough woman. But then, one must remember, that having been in an orphanage from the tender age of eight up until sixteen, she has that strong inbred will to survive. I am thankful, for every prayer and for the extra time we have been given by the grace of our Lord. It could have been so different .... she has changed since all this happened. I find a softer look in her eyes and her voice. Life is precious and we need to take time to enjoy our parents as they age, before it is too late.

My Mother

I cannot believe that it is only a month since I last posted on my blog. It feels like a year! So much has happened, and I suppose the best place to start is at the beginning.

Sunday - 25^th April 2010

We took my mother to see the doctor. She had been complaining for days of a pain in her back which kept shifting from place to place. Once examined, the doctor found she had shingles, and was also dehydrated. At 83, he felt he needed to admit her for tests to make sure she was ok.

Monday - 26^th April 2010

My cell phone rang beside my bedside at 4am in the morning. Like a bolt of lightning I grabbed it, just knowing that a call at this time of the morning could only be bad news. With bated breath I heard the voice identifying herself as sister “so and so” from Robinson Life Hospital. She needed to inform me that my mother had gone to the bathroom and tripped over her drip stand. She had broken her femur bone in the right leg and would need to be operated on. My heart raced, at the thought of anesthetic with my mother at 83. I knew this could not be good. Four years ago, she had also fallen and crushed her right shoulder, and had a replacement. Having nursed her then, and remembering how difficult it was to pull her up out of bed, I felt this dead dull dread in my heart, how would I cope with this?

As there were no beds available in ICU, they strapped my mother’s leg up, and she had to wait until the following day to go into theater. We rushed through that morning, as early as we could, and found her under heavy sedation for the pain.

Tuesday – 27^th April 2010

My mother was operated on early in the morning. My Father and I, my sister & her husband, two brothers with their wives, and my two daughters all sat waiting in the hospital lounge just outside ICU. The atmosphere was tense, as we were unsure of what to expect. Eventually we were allowed to go in to see my mother, but only two at a time.

It was not a pleasant sight. Monitors beeping, oxygen mask over her face, drips and pipes hanging like spaghetti from their stands. She was breathing shallow, but managed to open her eyes and greet us. The news was not good; she had a very bad break and another less sever lower down on the leg. A steel pin had been inserted from the knee, fastened with two screws, all the way up the leg to the hip, then another very long screw that fastened the pin onto the hip bone.

That night, at 8.55pm, I received a phone call from my cousin in George in the Cape, to let me know that my mother’s eldest sister, aunt Minnie had died. I wept, as she was like a second mother to me, and her and my mother were very close. How was I to tell my mother, in her state? I was afraid it would have a devastating impact upon her. Even though we had been expecting this news for some time now, the shock of her death was no easier had we not known. My sister and I discussed the matter, and decided we would not tell my mother at this stage. We were not even sure she would understand.

We were told that my mother would be in ICU for a day or two… it turned out to be 7days in total, under extreme sedation and morphine for the pain, she started to hallucinate. Doctors do not tell you this, and do not warn you either. It was a very scary time for us, as we thought she had gone totally insane. She was hearing things & seeing things that did not exist …It was devastating to see her like this … but there is much more to the saga which I will continue in the next blog and will perhaps help others understand their loved ones in a situation such as this!