For Karen

My Darling Karen

Next week Tuesday, 23rd March is your birthday and you would be 34 years old. I still have the vivid image of us laughing together on the morning of your last day with me! Do you remember? You were so excited about the Christmas dinner that you were to attend for your company’s year end. Your excitement was also flamed with the fact that Marcel was on a weekend pass and was visiting us. I remember lying in bed the previous night and hearing the two of you laughing and joking, so happy to see one another again. What I did not know, was that it would be the last time I would hear that ever so contagious laugh.

What can I say? I have no words, as they all choke up inside of me, and melt into tears of a mother’s emptiness at the loss of her daughter. It has been 17 years, and still, I try to see you in a crowd, imagine I hear your voice, and many times feel your presence around me. You were so precious to us, the bubbly one, who always smiled through the storms and helped everyone around you!

I remember your call at 10am that fateful morning of 26^th November 1993, and you last words still ring in my heart “Ok mommy, love you lots.” These were always you last words to us.

I get this awful feeling inside of me when I think that next year you will be gone from us longer than you lived! This is such a frightening thought … but mommy wants you to know that we have that blessed assurance, that you are safe, in the place Jesus promised to go and prepare for us.

Remember the night God allowed me to see where you are? It was the most striking experience I have ever had in my life. You looked so beautiful, so full of peace and the light and power that emanated from you was astounding! I then knew what it meant in the Bible about an earthly body and a heavenly body. I could clearly see and feel that you had shed the corruptible earthly body for the incorruptible heavenly body. You were amazing, and I stood in awe of what I saw.

I remember the mansion you were in, called Mizpah (meaning May the Lord watch between you and me while we are absent one from another) I recall the magical music all around me, the beauty indescribable and when I woke from this vision – Our Father gave me total peace about where you were.

In April 2002, Tasha, Evonne and I had you moved from Midrand cementry, to have you buried alongside daddy in Pietersburg cementry. It felt good to have you together.

Karen, we miss you so much, but everyone is doing well. We have moved on from the pain, to precious memories of you and carry you in our hearts. You will always be with us, no matter what. Your life was one of total commitment to your Lord and Saviour an example to us and your deeds were a testimony to all.

Happy Birthday my precious, sweet Karen

Love you lots

Mommy

FARM ATTACK!

18th September 2009, 4.30pm. A date that would be burned into my memory forever!
My parents and I had just returned to the farm after a day of shopping. I parked my car in front of the garage, and told my parents to wait while I went in to call the maid
to help us with the packages. As I opened the side gate to the back yard, I saw Danie lying on the grass under the washing line, with three black men around him.

I instinctively thought he was having a heart attack, and that the farm labourers were trying
to help him. Fear gripped me, and I called out to him, "Sweetheart, are you OK?" and started to run towards him. As Danie lifted his head and turned towards me, I saw the blood and heard him shout in desperation "Run Dia, run!" I then realised something was very wrong, as I sensed the urgency in his voice. My mind went haywire, and I turnedand started to run, grabbing the gate to close it behind me. The next minute I was looking down the barrel of a pistol, and was grabbed with force at the neck of my blouse. The man kept twisting my blouse until I was walking on my toes in an attempt to breathe.

I was in total shock, and a voice demanded "Where are the pistols, where are your guns?"
While hitting me at the side of my head, he pushed me towards the back door of our house. At that moment I knew, we were in great danger. The man forced me into our house still muttering and demanding me to give him guns. I walked down the passage to our bedroom, and trying to play for time, I told him, I had not been married to Danie for long, so did not know where he kept the keys to the safe. I could sense, that the man was getting frustrated, and at that moment the two other men dragged Danie into the bedroom, with his hands and feet bound with nylon rope.

In our country, having slogans blatantly promoted in Youth Ralleys and over TV - "Kill the farmer, kill the boer!" you suddenly realise that you could become one of the statistics. They sat me down on our bed, with my back to Danie, and began hitting him and shouting "Open the safe! Where are the keys! Open or we will kill her!" I hear the gun cock against my head and the man swears, then again says, "I kill you!" I hear Danie pleading "Please, do not hurt my wife, I will give you what you want"

"Quick, quick, hurry, open up" they keep whispering in urgent tones. I hear the key turn in the safe, and hear the excitement in their voices, guns, ammunition, money ... everything they want.

As I sat on the bed, with the gun against my head, I suddenly realised, now they have what they want, they have no more use for us! I began to pray out loud, and Danie did the same. The men were disturbed by this, and asked us "What are you doing?" Danie said "We are praying". As I prayed, I heard myself say ... "Father, forgive them, they do not realise what they are doing is wrong" Where did that come from? I would much rather have prayed that they get struck by lightening.

The three men, grabbed everything they could get in the safe, stuffing their pockets with as much ammunition as they could. As they began leaving the room, one of the robbers knelt in front of me, and asked me what was in my bedside drawer, and demanded I open it or he would shoot me. I told him it was only my bible and glasses.

In a flash,they were gone ... Danie loosened himself and ran outside but they were nowhere to be seen. Now I was frantic, where were my parents? What if they had taken them hostage? I ran to the window but my parents were no longer in the car. I felt my heart gripped with fear, and ran to the front door. I opened it and there they stood safe and sound. My father had walked my mother to the front door, and when he found it locked said he would go around the back to open up for her. He took some parcels out of the car, walked into the house, and as he set them down, he saw the men dragging Danie down the passage. My father also thought Danie had been hurt
and that labourers were helping him, but then he saw the guns, and Danie shouted to him to get out of the house. My father then ran back to my mother and told her to stand dead still as we were being robbed inside.

I can just imagine the fear they must have felt. Both in their eighties, and their daughter and son in law being held at gunpoint inside.

Do I hate our attackers? Do I want to immigrate to another country and leave South Africa? Have I become a racist after this? My answer is NO! I love my country, and I refuse to live in fear. Many people have told me to go for counselling, but I feel that if I could survive the death of my daughter (killed in a motor accident - by a black driver of a mini bus) then I can survive this too!

When you read of how many woman are raped in farm attacks, how people are cruelly tortured and then killed, I can only thank my Father in Heaven for His divine protection, when we needed it the most!

These men had come to the farm earlier on that day, with the pretense of wanting to purchase a sheep. Danie told them, they were still out in the fields, but that they would be in the "kraal" later on ... so they waited, and watched and noticed that Danie was alone on the farm. When the sheep were finally in, Danie told them to come with him so that they could choose their sheep. As Danie opened the gate to the 'kraal" and walked in, they grabbed him from behind and began
beating him. They kicked him, and hit him with their pistols, and kept saying to one another "Let us kill him now!" They then bound his hands and feet and dragged him to the lawn, and that is when I came through the gate.

No arrests have been made, and we have not heard from the police in a while, not that we think anything will come of this. The mere fact that these men did not hide their faces from us, nor did they wear gloves to avoid any fingerprints makes one wonder? When the police came that night to investigate and found not one finger print ... well what can I say! Do they really care? We have no guns now for protection ... but all we want to do is put it behind us and carry on with our lives.

Life Goes On!

On 28th April this year, 2010, Danie and I will celebrate our fourth wedding anniversary! Goodness how time has passed. I have found that the older we get, the more time seems to fly. I remember so clearly, as a young girl how long a year was.

I love every moment of being a farmer's wife. It is so different and exciting to the business world I had become accustomed to. I look at my hands, and no longer are there long, red painted nails, with little butterflies or pictures on the tips! There just is no more time for that. My mind goes back to the first time Danie slaughtered a sheep for us for meat. I stood opposite him at a table, with the meat master machine between us. As he sliced the meat into sections, I was to pack into plastic bags and put them into the freezer. My nails, so immaculately kept, were sticking to the bags, I battled to get the them open, and I remember breaking out into a nervous sweat, as I heard Danie's voice saying "Come on, quick, quick you're getting behind me." Suddenly, this business woman, had to dirty her hands with the blood from the meat, stand the smell of it, handle it, and then later on have to cook it and eat it.

Well, four years down the line, I pack faster than what Danie can cut, I can hold down a dog when he needs to inject it. I can do a whole lot more that I could when I arrived, but have put my foot down when it comes to helping deliver a calf! Not after having seen the mess Danie is in, I have decided that is a no no for me. I also refuse to pull any ticks off the dogs. I can be a farmer's wife but there are limits! I walk to the dam, ride with Danie on the quad bike and get full of dust, no more the neatly dressed made up lady of the city. But after all is said and done, if we go out anywhere, I know how to dress and look the look again!

Married at Last!

The drive back to Pietersburg was strange. As my hands clutched the steering wheel of the car, the promise of "forever" on my left hand kept reflecting blinding sparkles of light. As I drove, my prayer was, that my new found love would sparkle even brighter. With unhappy children, Danie and I began preparing for our wedding. Thanks to my sister, Marion, who did most of the work, cards, flowers, dress and so much more, we were able to plan everything down to the last detail in minimal time. As the few months slipped passed, the reality of the huge step I had taken began to set in. I would have to leave my home, and business in other hands. A few times a strange fear gripped my heart, trying to squeeze the very life out of it. What if? Yes, I had doubts, what if it did not work out, and I had given up everything that was precious to me?

I had to pack up my home, give away everything I owned, leave my parents and children, and move to a strange town, strange home, and children who did not want to accept me. On the outside I was strong, but inside I felt like a frightened child. What had I gotten myself into, I kept asking myself.

Four months later, on 28th April 2006, the church doors opened, and I walked down the isle to Danie, my new husband to be. As we met in the isle, he took my hands and softly said, "For too long you have walked the road alone, come, take my hand and let me walk with you" Tears immediately streamed down my cheeks, and peace flooded my soul. No more fear or doubts, just the blessed assurance that I had met a man who would love me, take care of me, and be at my side unconditionally.

As we took our vows, I remembered the night I had called out in desperation to God to send me the right man in my life, and here he was, right next to me. Hand picked by the Master, what more could I ask for? My life had changed, but there were many rivers still to cross, high mountains to climb, valleys to pass through - but I knew that at no time ever, would I be alone!