Our parents are invincible, this is what we as children think, no matter how old we get or how much older our parents get. My mother was in ICU for about 5 days. Every morning my father and I would make the trip to the hospital and spend the day in town to visit her in the afternoons as well. Night visits were done by my daughter and grandchildren. Living on a farm in South Africa, one does not venture out at night as danger lies and waits for you when you return. During this time my father become ill with the flu and I eventually had to leave him at home in the care of our caregiver and do the trip alone to see my mother. It was difficult as visiting hours in ICU differed from the normal hours, so I did not stay for the afternoons as I was anxious to get back to my father as he needed me as well.
When my mother was transferred to "High Care" and this I say with tongue in my cheek as the care was extremely bad, I explained to them that she needed to be fed as she could not help herself. Even our private hospitals have gone down the drain!! On my first visit, the patient in the bed next to her had her mother visiting and she informed me that they just dumped my mother's food down and did not feed her. I found the head sister and told her that if things did not change and my mother was not fed all hell would break loose. After a day or two I could see my mom had taken a turn for the worst, she hardly spoke to me. My daughter from Pietersburg called and asked "mom should I come, I do not want to miss seeing my ouma" I said yes, I think you should. My brother was still in Nigeria and was due home in two days time, on the Thursday. I kept telling my mother, "mommy Percy will be home Thursday" and she would just give a slight sound and nod her head. My sister came through, my youngest brother came ... grandchildren and great grandchildren all came to see my mother. When my brother landed, he called to say he was jet lagged and would come through on the Friday as they lived quite far. I told him no, he had to come straight away as my mother was really very bad - she was just this frail frame lying in the bed and every now and then gave a slight groan. My brother rushed through and my mom was glad to see him, she whispered I love you when he told her he loved her. Tears flowed, and hearts ached as we all realised that the hour glass was running out. My sister, myself and my two daughters had been trying to get my mother transferred to Pretoria, as we could see she was not getting good care where she was. Also the hospital was far from me whereas at my sister the Wilgers Hospital was just around the corner from her. We had been trying for 3 days, but due to germs and infections passed on from one hospital to another they were hesitant to accept her. Thursday night I told my sister to take my father back home with her to Pretoria, so that if they transferred my mother on the Friday, he would already be there. We cried and said our goodbyes. Friday morning, 17 July 2015, I left early that morning to go and visit my mom. My daughters also wanted to get there early but I called them and asked that they go to the mall before coming so that they could bring jelly and custard for my mother and also a new set of pajamas and vests. I needed clean clothing for her, as her bed was wet when I got there and realised the water had been seeping out of her arm. I asked the sister why this was happening, and was told it was as a result of the drip that had been in her arm. Little did I know, it was extreme heart and kidney failure. Later on my brother told me that someone has said they often speak of a wet death .... when water seeps out of the body. I remembered that my sisters step father in law had water seeping out of his legs before he died.
When I got to my mother, the nurse said to me, she will not eat. I bent down and said "mommy are you OK?" her eyes were so sad and she mouthed to me in such a slight whisper.... help me I cannot breathe. I lost it totally, and flew in a rage at the nurse - "you are the one who studied, you are the one with the badges on your shoulders, how can you try and push food down someone's throat when it is quite clear they are having a hard time breathing???!! ... why is she not on oxygen???" Suddenly things started to happen they rushed in with the oxygen and checked her vital signs. I sat with her holding her hand and my heart was shattered into a thousand pieces as I realised the time had come. I could sense it, I could feel it, death was at the door knocking. Just then my two daughters arrived, and I said "Ouma (granny in our language) is going to leave us" My girls were shattered, they adored her, we stood around her bed, spoke to her, and kept comforting her. My eldest daughter said, mom I feel you should tell ouma we will take good care of oupa (grandpa) she does not have to worry. I did this, and I could see a change in my mother. She became peaceful and relaxed.
My mom was a devout Christian, a child of God. She had gotten saved as a young lady and had served her Savior for as long as I can remember. She read her Bible through once a year, but due to poor eyesight the past year could not read much. She was at peace with her life, and knew that when she left this earth, she would be in the presence of the Lord. As we sat with her, my mother opened her eyes and stared at something .... at times I thought she had died, for she stared in awe, and wonderment for an hour without blinking her eyes once. It was incredible to witness. Suddenly I noticed her breathing became shallow, and her vital signs began to drop. I said to my daughters .... she is leaving us........... they cried and held onto her. the breathing became more and more shallow, and suddenly it stopped and she closed her eyes, It was as if she had fallen asleep. Not a sound in the room, total silence, and a calm and peace filled every corner ... as we looked as her, realising she was gone a light shone on her face and she looked so peaceful. My mom had no death rattle that they talk about ........ nothing she just closed her eyes and quietly left us.
We sat with my mother for 4 hours in the hospital ward before we could get her body removed. Family rushed through..... my grandchildren, my husband, I called my sister to break the news to her, and said do not tell daddy until I am there with you. I called my brothers and said no need to come through mom is already gone. I could not believe she had left us. My heart was torn, ripped out, and my thoughts of telling my father lay like a mountain before me. He doted on my mother. They had been married for 66 years and still held hands and cuddled one another........... how were we going to tell him? My heart ached for my dad, as I knew with his altzheimers he would keep forgetting she had gone and then relive her death over and over again.
Father, our Father in heaven ......... give us all the strength we need to get through this. Once my mother was taken away, I dragged myself to my car, and drove to Pretoria to my sister...... tears flowed, it was the longest drive ever. I knew these few moments alone in my car would be the only time I really had to grieve my mother's death, as my father needed me now more than ever.
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